Monday, October 13, 2008

24/7 Fitness

I've always hated the gym. I don't know if it's the threat of staph infection or the general damage to the self esteem from seeing the vivacious milfs I will never have glistening beneath fluorescent lights. Either way, I force myself to go.

The first thing I considered was steroids. It was during the time I was trying to save the last remnants of my first significant failed romance. Not only did the girl I was dating have a thing for large muscled he-men, she had a problem with my lack of assertiveness. The only thing I knew about steroids was from health class where we watched a short film about a football player (Ben Affleck) who decides to up the ante for his rural high school football conference. He ends up going completely nuts after a few cycles resulting in him killing some people and getting kicked off the football team. "Shit" I thought "I am the least aggressive, most passive person I know. If steroids turned him into O.J. , the most they'll turn me into is Larry King." Unfortunately, unless you are willing to approach the hopped-up Ben Affleck characters at the gym you won't get very far trying to find decent steroids.

Following my failure to procure anabolic goodies, I tried taking it too far without steroids; sobriety, brown rice, whole wheat pasta, trader joe's etc. It lasted about a day.

So now I am back to trying to fit the gym into an otherwise unhealthy lifestyle. I can't give up fast food, late-nights, occasional cigarettes, powdered donuts, soda, caffeine, or drinking. So I try to offset it all with some serious exercise. Who said life was fair?

Everything in moderation right?

1 comment:

The Sundance Kid said...

I share the same vices as you. It's not that we lead an unhealthy lifestyle, it's that we lead a human lifestyle. We'll be glad that we spent our days enjoying ourselves instead of letting the routine of going to the gym and a strict diet consume us. Having the body is not even worth all that.