Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Cliffs of Rye

There was no one to catch me when I was at the edge of the cliffs of rye. Maybe they were there but they chose not to. At this point it doesn’t really matter does it? I fell. No. I jumped. I wanted to see what was at the bottom. But the more I see, the less I want to know. The bible says “it is to those who are childlike that the Kingdom of Heaven belongs." What I wouldn’t give to be a child again. But I always felt my childhood was a joke, I knew somewhere that it wasn’t real and it propelled me to seek out the world of reason. Yet here I am and it’s a shithole. We spend lifetimes waiting for moments that in the end were as fleeting as every minute that came in between

“You’ll be free child once you have died, from the shackles of language and measurable time” And I believe Conor Oberst when he sings that. Its how I understand this journey towards the end. Freedom. I used to not believe in fashion, I called it a lie. I believed it was too crude of an art form to capture any essence of humanity. But I realize now that all forms of art are too crude. We are shackled by language and these squiggles can’t accurately represent emotions either. My writing is as crude as the fashionistas’ designs, cruder perhaps. And our symbolic interactions will never be as deep or profound as we want them to be. So we settle, or we refuse to settle and then after we realize we have no choice, we settle.

I don’t love philosophy anymore. Maybe I caught up with Max Bemis. I could never understand his lines until I felt them. “God and Death are none of my concern, I’m no philosopher” he sings. And now I agree with him. I used to argue for atheism. And when my cousin said he had converted from that and had fallen into the never-ending hole of agnosticism I thought I would never be there. But here I am. No, apatheism right? That’s what I call it. Because I don’t care. Sometimes I do. The truth is I don’t want to know. The thought of never ending life scares the shit out of me. Just give me a few good years; that’s all I want. And my Jehovah’s Witness friend shows me Ecclesiastes 9:5 and it says “But the dead do not know anything” And he asks me “Where is the hope?” and I say right there. I don’t care if there’s a heaven for the people who want that but I am hoping there’s no hell. Maybe prose doesn’t do it. Maybe just mine doesn’t. I envy Voltaire but he is as pessimistic as me I think. Maybe I do love philosophy, just not it’s results. I don’t even know if I want answers.


The Sundance Kid said...

This post definitely did satiate, but I we would all like another, please.

Anonymous said...

I think when you are overwhelmed by a huge amount creative energy and lack a *comparable* level of skills to express it (through art, fashion etc.), it becomes frustrating - but when you look back on civilisation and realise that language and art were created specifically as an outlet to this human need, then you can begin to make peace with their inadequacies. We as humans and artists (in the general sense) are not settling but rather, we are contributing bit by bit to the refining process. We may not be able to perceive it that way now, except perhaps "from the persective of eternity", and to take this point of view towards art is in itself an art form, no?

Dr. Kold_Kadavr_flatliner, MD said...

If God doesn’t exist, why do you hate Him so much? If God does exist, why don’t you follow us Home to Heaven Above if you‘re gonna croak as I am? How long do we have to enjoy this finite existence? 77ish, measly years? Compared to the length and breadth of eternity, 77ish years is like the micron of a nanometer in the whole, bloody, universe. So, why don’t we have a BIG-ol, roxx-our-holy-soxx (and 3X, too, if you want), party-hardy celebrating our resurrection for many eons? Heaven TOTALLY kicks-ass for eternity. Yes, God’s odd, yet, so are we. Thank you proFUSEly, for the wick is running out on U.S. _thewarningsecondcoming.com_

Keiten Bozung said...

There is no God. Do not worry, good sir. There is not heaven nor hell. Only the cosmos that we can look up at and marvel at their stupendous shine.
I use to be a hardcore christian (indoctrinated from birth) and believed in God, and then even started believing like Max does. Although, as you probably found out, he gave up pot and alcohol and - most likely due to his rehab programs - turned to god and religion to fill that "hole".

All in all, you probably don't read this blog anymore. But just know that there are things outside of ourselves that we can put trust in: the beautiful nature that surrounds us, the galaxies high above our heads that expand for eternity. You're friends and family. You don't need to put faith in some book or even not care, because apathy isn't the answer, especially these days.
We need to show people that love does truly exist within our biological selves, and that we can all be unified through love and individual similarities.

You seem like a very intelligent guy. I hope you have a great day and life.

Also, we know the origins of god: the bible. Man made god. No worries :D